By Ron Oster

With the recent wave of fury from the traveling public complaining about the airline industry, I thought it would be most appropriate for me to toss in my two cents worth. Being a 30 year veteran travel agent, most likely I’m qualified not too mention the fact that I also use to work for an airline.

These days, to me, the airlines seem to be about as friendly as a horsefly in an outhouse or is it pure public imagination? Everyone seems to be slamming the airlines lately, including The Department of Transportation (DOT). I certainly won’t slam the airlines in this article but rather give my point of view on “the way air travel use to be” and maybe, just maybe, pick on them a little. I will say that most carriers these days lack the sweet discipline of denial. Maybe some airline executive living in the area will read this article and realize that sometimes “if it ain’t broken, don’t fix it.”

Okay, although transcontinental flights are only about 95 years old, many of us are already drooling over “the good old days” of air travel. Forget the fact that back then, planes made more stops than a canine in a National forest and that it took about 80 hours to get from New York to Phoenix. Compared to air travel today, those things seem minor with what most air travelers are faced with these days. From what I’ve seen lately, some travelers are more abused than a truck stop waitress. But many of us still remember the “Golden Years” in the sky when you got a whole can of Coke all to yourself.

Today, if you’re not charged for it, you’re lucky if you get a four ounce Styrofoam cup (which tip over very easily) filled mostly with gigantic ice cubes leaving you with about two ounces of actual liquid. One gulp and it’s gone. Then try catching the flight attendant for a refill.

A hot industry rumor going around is that one particular airline (they all usually follow suit) is going to start charging $2.00 per soft drink and $1.00 for a bag of peanuts. And most currently want cold hard cash for food. Further, one carrier is already charging $15 PER FLIGHT if you want an aisle seat on certain flights. The carrier doing this claims these are “premium seats” and passengers should pay extra for them.

Well excuuuuse me but I just didn’t fall of a rutabaga truck. What happens when window seats also become “premium seats?” I’ll admit that I was never a returning champion on Jeopardy but this makes me more suspicious than a missing dog in a Saigon restaurant. Something’s not adding up here. I realize that everyone is trying to cut costs and make a buck but give me break. Can’t the airlines simply (this really is very elementary) bury the cost of a Coke, a bag of peanuts, food and premium seat fees into the cost of a ticket? This way, you’d never know that you were getting the shaft. As the saying goes, what you don’t know won’t hurt you, right? But when you DO know, it sorta makes you feel like you’re being taken advantage of.

One airline used to have a piano bar and lounge area “in the sky” for in-flight enjoyment. Complimentary champagne was served and there was even a cook running around on board with one of those funny little white chef hats who would toss something together for you at your seat. Today, you can still be served champagne but at a premium price. The piano and lounge have been replaced with knee jamming seats and the cook was obviously outwitted by processed fast food. Remember when snacks consisted of a nice fresh sandwich served with potato chips and maybe some creamy coleslaw or spicy potatoe salad? It seems snacks now of days are either peanuts or trail mix, take your pick. These, to me, are not snacks. Well, maybe if you’re a hamster.

On a recent flight to Auckland, a woman reached over my seat arm and filched my bag of peanuts! I said “excuuuuuse me, those are my nuts.” She gave me a dirty look and slapped them back on my tray table. I couldn’t believe the audacity of this ninny but was even more surprised at myself over the fact that I was fighting over a cheap bag of nuts. I thought maybe if I threw a stick she’d go away and change seats. She didn’t. But since deregulation, it seems the entire tone of air travel has changed from one classy ambience to that of a Boeing U-Haul.

On a flight to Orlando in April, I somehow got wedged into an area no bigger than a potty chair between a blonde in a pink “painted on” jumpsuit, and a cowboy wearing a ten gallon hat who drank nine beers during the first 60 minutes of the flight and belched a lot. As soon as the little cart was in the aisle and our tray tables were down, the blonde (squeezed in the window seat no less) said in a helium voice “I have to wee-wee.” The cowboy elbowed me in my ribs and said to Miss Hot Pants, “hey little darlin’, you should have tinkled before you left home.” And there were three more hours of flying time left on a full flight! They later bonded over more beers when I offered to move to the aisle seat. I think the blonde had the same hairdresser as Whoopi Goldberg. Whatever.

And “hairy armpit and tank top” seat partners are about as welcome as a ham sandwich at a swine convention. I mean, come on folks. Sometimes I feel like I’ve died and gone to Newark when I board a flight. The airlines REALLY need a dress code just like the restaurants have. No shoes, no shirt, no pants, no flight. It wasn’t long ago when you took a flight, it was dress up time. Remember? I don’t mean dress to kill. Just something normal, casual, comfortable and most of all, reasonable. But apparently being normal no longer applies. Jeans with Reboks are fine…… but NOT with a sports coat and Fruit of the Loom t-shirt! They go together like a lip-sticked husband with a missing wedding band.

Things just aren’t like they use to be. Looking around an airport waiting lounge these days appears to have more living dead than Patriots Park in the morning. Tomato juice is really Snappy Tom that will stimulate a seizure. And purchasing a steak sandwich on board really isn’t beef, but rather a 4-H project that went wrong and somehow got into the finals and nothing fits under your seat.

And get this, you’re now allowed to bring knitting needles on board and even a sharp screw driver as long as it’s seven inches or less in length! Even corkscrews are allowed as are scissors as long as they’re four inches or less in length. None of this makes any sense to me but this information is per the TSA as of August 18, 2006. You wouldn’t believe some of the stuff that is now allowed to be taken on board in your carry-on luggage. Go figure.

This news is about as welcome as an itchy nose in a buffet line. I know that deregulation has brought the airlines to the masses and made more destinations accessible but ya know folks, with the long security lines at the airports these days and delays, in reality, it still takes about 80 hours to get from New York to Phoenix! If you’d like to know what’s permitted and prohibited to take on board in your carry-on luggage these days, simply give us a call at Rawhide Travel and Tours and we’ll be more than happy to update you. I’m headin’ out to dinner so I guess I better get home and pick out my favorite set of teeth to wear tonight. Until next time, happy travelin’ trails to you.